REPENTANCE

Yesterday was Yom Kippur, the holiest day of the Jewish year.

I am, by a funny turn of historical events, a Jew.

(Yes, spare me the waggling finger. I understand the irony of my prevailing German fetish).

On Yom Kippur, an observant Jew is supposed to fast for one day and attend services so as to expunge his sins for the previous year; to be born anew.

I fasted with pleasure, avoided synagogue with finesse, and thought naught about no sins.

Instead, I made some bills.

I made some bills doing The Most Horrible And Dirty Things. But my conspirator was a Jewish slave, so I think that makes it OK or less not-OK. I filled an entire wine bottle with my urine (muddled with the dregs of wine) and allowed my slave to imbibe the solemn beverage in full.

I broke fast with a cliff bar and a bowl of cherrios. Then I drank two beers and called it a day.

THE SLATE IS CLEAN. MY SOUL IS IVORY.